no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Green mimosas i think yes
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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