i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
