That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
