yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
