is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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