ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
