YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
