Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
