i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
