Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
