Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
