apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
