I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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