his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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