if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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