She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just found puke in my bra..
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
