I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
