He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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