Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Boobs are out for the taking
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
