I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
