If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
