Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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