He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
jump out the window naked night went bad
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