Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
