My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
