my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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