she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
