FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
