I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
