ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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