I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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