I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
