What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
