Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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