so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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