she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
