So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
