I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
