My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
