so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
