He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
