got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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