Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
