She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
