I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
