U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
