Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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