may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
