so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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