I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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