we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
