Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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